Scottish Legal Humour

A London dwelling Scotsman met a friend one day, who noticed his long face.

“What’s the matter, Willie?”

“Well, I was on jury service, and I was given 3 days in gaol.”

“For being on a jury?  How did that happen?”

“The judge said ‘What’s your name?’ and I said ‘William Wallace MacDiarmid MacGregor’.”

He said ‘Are you Scottish, by any chance?’ and I said ‘Are you a bloody comedian?’”

When Al MacGillivray came back from his first trip to London – appearing as a witness – everyone in the village was keen to find out how he got on.

“Did you like it?”

“Oh, it was no’ bad.”

“As good as that, was it?”

“Well, there was just the one thing wrong.  The people in my hotel just would not go to bed. They were outside my room in the corridor shouting and banging until 3 o’clock in the morning.”

“What did you do, Al?”

“Och, I just kept on playing my bagpipes!”

A man charged with grievous bodily harm got his friends to bribe one of the jury.  In return for the bribe, the juryman would hold out for a verdict of common assault.

The jury was out for a nerve-rackingly long time, but at last it returned a verdict of assault.  The prisoner received 3 months gaol. 

When he later met the bent juror, he said:  “I’m very grateful to you.  It seems you had a terrible job persuading them.”

“It was terrible alright”, said the bent juror, “There they were, all 11 of them, wanting to acquit you.  I had to argue like hell for assault”.